On Monday, July 29th I went to see a fertility doctor about the new label I’ve been given — recurrent miscarriage. I’d rather have the label Fertile Myrtle or something that doesn’t quite make me feel so defective. The appointment went very well and he explained all of the possible things that could be causing me to miscarry. After doing some research beforehand on lab tests I should be sure to demand they run on me, I was prepared to have to put up a fight, but it wasn’t like that at all. While he was running through all of the possibilities he also listed out the various lab tests I would need to have run on me and by the end of our talk he had listed out every.single.test that I had come up with during my research. This made me feel really good! Like he had my back and was taking this seriously and really cared. Now I get to do some more waiting before I can actually have the tests drawn because I need my HCG levels to be back down to “Not Pregnant” levels before they can draw them on me. This whole TTC process is all about the wait — wait to ovulate, the dreaded TWW, and then you either repeat, or you then wait until your blood draws or doctor’s appointment to make sure everything is going ok.
As of Monday, I still hadn’t started bleeding and it was really looking like I would be getting a D&C on August 5th. My acupuncturist mixed up a little herb concoction for me to take via 5 pills 3 times per day to try and help my body “get things started”. What’s 15 more pills to choke down when I’m already taking 12? Why not! Tuesday I left for my first work trip in a month and that afternoon I started spotting pretty heavily and by 6:00 in the evening it was HEAVY bleeding. And painful. So painful. I now know why they offered me a prescription of Vicodin. I’m not a huge fan of pain killers stronger than Tylenol 3 so I turned it down. Boy was I regretting that last night. Today has still been pretty bad. I had to leave work early because I was in so much pain and felt extremely tired. I am hoping that by tomorrow things will start to slow down. Next Monday I’ll go back to the lab to get my HCG draw and see how close I am back to the non-pregnant reference range.
The past few days have been pretty rough for me. I do not love being away from home, and it is especially difficult when I am going through something like this. I am practically counting down the hours until Friday when I am on my way back home. Although my spirits have been quite low the past 36ish hours, overall I do feel very hopeful and optimistic. I feel very confident if there is something that is preventing my pregnancies from progressing the fertility doctor will find it. And I feel hopeful that the next time we conceive it will be our miracle baby, the one we will hold in our arms and watch grow. Last night I had a dream that we had a little baby and was sad when I woke up to realize it was just a dream, but I do know that we will be parents. We will.